I got up this morning to talk to my mom after she left the ER. Yesterday she was in a car accident and had some subsequent back problems. While I was on the phone with her I received a beep from my call-waiting. Every time I see "Unknown ID" on my caller ID, I always think of Nathan. I don't ever expect it to be him, and generally it is a telemarketer. As the phone beeped again, I asked my mom to hold for a moment.
"Hello?"
"Hi.
pause
Brittany, it's Nathan."
Usually hearing his voice sends my heart into a twitterpated frenzy. In moments, I find hope where a starving man couldn't find a crumb. I can't imagine what it would be like to be stranded on an overgrown island with oceans, land between you and everything you ever cared about or ever could. This time, all I heard was the voice of a weak man searching for a connection.
The conversation that followed was surreal. He called to check in on Richie's health and apologize for his part in the negativity we created. I avoided saying "it's ok". I don't want to assume anything about Nathan. I know by tomorrow (when he said he would call again) everything he said today could be completely changed. I believe everything he said was true, but that is my own downfall.
Showing posts with label king of thieves. Show all posts
Showing posts with label king of thieves. Show all posts
When I remember where I left it, I'll let you know if my glass if half empty or full
I am in the process of making my photos private on Flickr.com. I have left them public for a long time. However, a pedophile added some of my son's pictures to his favorites (a bookmarking function on the website), along with pictures of naked little boys from other users. Flickr offers "block" as a solution. Unfortunately, pedophiles (as well as other degenerates) can still view photos of my son even after I have "blocked" their profiles. In this depraved world, I have to fight for my son's innocence at every turn. I may have anticipated these battles, but my son does not deserve to be more fearful than hopeful.
How could anyone look at a child and think evil thoughts?
It has been almost two weeks since I last heard from Nathan. When I took the above photo, I recognized it's cuteness and absolutel adorability and knew I had to share it with the world! I sent it to my usual list of people. Except Nathan. Before assuming I am cold hearted, know that Nathan does not want to see pictures of Richie and accuses me of parading him as a bribe if I do send pictures. I fought myself on it until I knew I had to just let it go; Nathan has made his point clearly and effectively. I have managed to restrain myself and still have not responded to his most recent outburst of abrasive rhetoric. I try not to even think about him which proves difficult when haunted by child support papers and Marie (my ex-mother-in-law-to-be). I knew I was going to hear from her sooner or later and with each passing day later became sooner. She wants Richie and I to visit her for Christmas. Nathan is going to be there (being New Jersey) for Christmas. Anyone else see a problem? Marie says that Nathan and I could be around each other as friends. I don't think she considered that Nathan does not have any desire to see his son. It may prove quite inconvenient for Nathan to come face to face (literally) with reality. As much as I would love to see Nathan's reaction to real responsibility, I won't do it at the expense of my son.
I am still battling myself about whether or not to file for child support. I have looked over the papers I requested. I have read them so many times. I am no closer to any sort of answer. I keep returning to the opinion that if Nathan does not want to be a father to Richie, a bank account is a poor substitute. If I planned on being a white trash cashier at the gas station, I would be going after welfare, child support, and probably borrowing obscene amounts of money (that I could never repay) from family members. My BSN will enable me to attain a good job immediately. I will be making more than twice the money Nathan is making as part of the USMC. I can not find a good enough justification to give Nathan more reason to be so hostile.
Richie laying next to baby pants (well, toddler pants) size 18-24 mos.
I spent all of last week trying to get my fevered, vomiting mini-tot seen by his pediatrician. If his gastrointestinal issues weren't reason enough to have Richie an appointment, he also injured his leg. Thankfully the ER at VVRMC is competent enough to x-ray a toddler's leg. That's all the PA accomplished before scooting us along. Within ten minutes, Doc determined that Richie's leg was sprained and showed me what I am going to call "BPT" (baby physical therapy). Silly, but true. Due to Richie's age, his leg will be well and fine, even sprained, very soon. Richie has a list of persistent health problems that need attention, but have been neglected by his former pediatrician. His new pediatrician is a good doctor, although seriously lacking in "bedside manner". He promptly went down the list and diagnosed, discussing necessary treatment, of all Richie's "issues" including his miniature-ness. He is going to monitor Richie's growth every couple of weeks. Richie needs a good doctor, not a friend. I love his new pediatrician!
The reason that Richie's leg needed x-rayed is quite a special little story. To make a long story into a very short one; Richie got his leg caught (while bent at the knee) in between the slats at the headboard, then fell backwards so he was hanging by his swollen knee. For the price and supposed quality of Jardine Lifetime cribs, one would think that this would not happen. Au contraire! Multiple mommy's have reported this problem to Jardine Enterprises, yet there is no recall. The reviews and reports that describe the problem with these cribs are hidden. Even if a mom does her research (which should happen), the necessary information does not present itself. Parenting is enough of a challenge as it is without having to worry about crib danger cover-ups.
On Sunday, we are borrowing a large vehicle from a family member and making the four hour drive to San Antonio where Babies "R" Us is located. The store has been much more helpful than the manufacturer. A manager at the store is giving us credit for the crib we already purchased, they are taking it off our hands, and we are getting the Wendy Bellissimo crib in honey! I will be happy when my son no longer has to sleep in his pack'n'play because his crib isn't safe. I have been trying to find reviews of Wendy Bellissimo furniture, but no luck. Nothing good, nothing bad. Nothing. I spoke to a sales associate in the crib department at Babies "R" Us and she said that I picked a really good crib. I have exhausted all my resources. It can't be worse than the one we have. Hopefully Jardine Enterprises improves upon their products.
Richie preserving the midnight oil in his pack'n'play.
How could anyone look at a child and think evil thoughts?
It has been almost two weeks since I last heard from Nathan. When I took the above photo, I recognized it's cuteness and absolutel adorability and knew I had to share it with the world! I sent it to my usual list of people. Except Nathan. Before assuming I am cold hearted, know that Nathan does not want to see pictures of Richie and accuses me of parading him as a bribe if I do send pictures. I fought myself on it until I knew I had to just let it go; Nathan has made his point clearly and effectively. I have managed to restrain myself and still have not responded to his most recent outburst of abrasive rhetoric. I try not to even think about him which proves difficult when haunted by child support papers and Marie (my ex-mother-in-law-to-be). I knew I was going to hear from her sooner or later and with each passing day later became sooner. She wants Richie and I to visit her for Christmas. Nathan is going to be there (being New Jersey) for Christmas. Anyone else see a problem? Marie says that Nathan and I could be around each other as friends. I don't think she considered that Nathan does not have any desire to see his son. It may prove quite inconvenient for Nathan to come face to face (literally) with reality. As much as I would love to see Nathan's reaction to real responsibility, I won't do it at the expense of my son.
I am still battling myself about whether or not to file for child support. I have looked over the papers I requested. I have read them so many times. I am no closer to any sort of answer. I keep returning to the opinion that if Nathan does not want to be a father to Richie, a bank account is a poor substitute. If I planned on being a white trash cashier at the gas station, I would be going after welfare, child support, and probably borrowing obscene amounts of money (that I could never repay) from family members. My BSN will enable me to attain a good job immediately. I will be making more than twice the money Nathan is making as part of the USMC. I can not find a good enough justification to give Nathan more reason to be so hostile.
Richie laying next to baby pants (well, toddler pants) size 18-24 mos.
I spent all of last week trying to get my fevered, vomiting mini-tot seen by his pediatrician. If his gastrointestinal issues weren't reason enough to have Richie an appointment, he also injured his leg. Thankfully the ER at VVRMC is competent enough to x-ray a toddler's leg. That's all the PA accomplished before scooting us along. Within ten minutes, Doc determined that Richie's leg was sprained and showed me what I am going to call "BPT" (baby physical therapy). Silly, but true. Due to Richie's age, his leg will be well and fine, even sprained, very soon. Richie has a list of persistent health problems that need attention, but have been neglected by his former pediatrician. His new pediatrician is a good doctor, although seriously lacking in "bedside manner". He promptly went down the list and diagnosed, discussing necessary treatment, of all Richie's "issues" including his miniature-ness. He is going to monitor Richie's growth every couple of weeks. Richie needs a good doctor, not a friend. I love his new pediatrician!
The reason that Richie's leg needed x-rayed is quite a special little story. To make a long story into a very short one; Richie got his leg caught (while bent at the knee) in between the slats at the headboard, then fell backwards so he was hanging by his swollen knee. For the price and supposed quality of Jardine Lifetime cribs, one would think that this would not happen. Au contraire! Multiple mommy's have reported this problem to Jardine Enterprises, yet there is no recall. The reviews and reports that describe the problem with these cribs are hidden. Even if a mom does her research (which should happen), the necessary information does not present itself. Parenting is enough of a challenge as it is without having to worry about crib danger cover-ups.
On Sunday, we are borrowing a large vehicle from a family member and making the four hour drive to San Antonio where Babies "R" Us is located. The store has been much more helpful than the manufacturer. A manager at the store is giving us credit for the crib we already purchased, they are taking it off our hands, and we are getting the Wendy Bellissimo crib in honey! I will be happy when my son no longer has to sleep in his pack'n'play because his crib isn't safe. I have been trying to find reviews of Wendy Bellissimo furniture, but no luck. Nothing good, nothing bad. Nothing. I spoke to a sales associate in the crib department at Babies "R" Us and she said that I picked a really good crib. I have exhausted all my resources. It can't be worse than the one we have. Hopefully Jardine Enterprises improves upon their products.
Richie preserving the midnight oil in his pack'n'play.
The Price Is Right
Oh, the ways my heart can break.
Richie points to a picture of Nathan and insists "dah-d".
Dad.
I blame myself; I have made a tremendous effort to help my son recognize his father's face. Directing my focus towards helping both of them realize the connection they share, has apparently only failed where Nathan is concerned. All day Richie has insisted on having a photograph of Nathan close to him. He walked from toy to toy with "dah-d" in hand. There will only be more interest and curiosity. Will I only ever have a check as proof that Richie has a father?
I feel, even more strongly after today, that a bank account is a sorry substitute for a parent. However, I find myself considering filing for child support. Nathan has declared that he will be setting money aside for Richie. For this, I would be gracious. I would, if we hadn't tried that before. Leaving Nathan to his own discretion, influenced heavily by a serious lack of understanding, it is no wonder that it did not work out. A savings account for Richie is a sound idea, taking into consideration all the uncertainties the future has to offer. It is difficult to view Nathan with anything but skepticism. I find it hard to understand why, if he is willing to offer up money for Richie, that he does not just voluntairily pay child support. Except that I know he will not actually follow through if left to independant enforcement. The prospect of government regulation would require he identify the reality of a child. I do not want to force Nathan to be or do anything against his self serving ideals. I wonder if my son will be affected if Nathan fulfills a financial responsibility or not. I know that Nathan will act in an even more negative manner if I do pursue child support from him. Will my choice affect whether or not he ever considers a more substantial role in Richie's life?
It is unfair that Richie is the one who truly suffers in this situation.
Richie points to a picture of Nathan and insists "dah-d".
Dad.
I blame myself; I have made a tremendous effort to help my son recognize his father's face. Directing my focus towards helping both of them realize the connection they share, has apparently only failed where Nathan is concerned. All day Richie has insisted on having a photograph of Nathan close to him. He walked from toy to toy with "dah-d" in hand. There will only be more interest and curiosity. Will I only ever have a check as proof that Richie has a father?
I feel, even more strongly after today, that a bank account is a sorry substitute for a parent. However, I find myself considering filing for child support. Nathan has declared that he will be setting money aside for Richie. For this, I would be gracious. I would, if we hadn't tried that before. Leaving Nathan to his own discretion, influenced heavily by a serious lack of understanding, it is no wonder that it did not work out. A savings account for Richie is a sound idea, taking into consideration all the uncertainties the future has to offer. It is difficult to view Nathan with anything but skepticism. I find it hard to understand why, if he is willing to offer up money for Richie, that he does not just voluntairily pay child support. Except that I know he will not actually follow through if left to independant enforcement. The prospect of government regulation would require he identify the reality of a child. I do not want to force Nathan to be or do anything against his self serving ideals. I wonder if my son will be affected if Nathan fulfills a financial responsibility or not. I know that Nathan will act in an even more negative manner if I do pursue child support from him. Will my choice affect whether or not he ever considers a more substantial role in Richie's life?
It is unfair that Richie is the one who truly suffers in this situation.
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