decaffeinated insanity

I have recently found myself in a series of situations that I was neither prepared for or ever expected in any way. The factor that weighs heaviest on my mind and heart is the one concerning Richie's health. We finally made the trip to San Antonio to meet with the pediatric gastroenterologist. It's been a few days since I meeting with the doctor. I can't make sense of the appointment enough to say anything much about it. Stemming from ignorance, it wasn't until after the appointment that I realized the severity of it all. I toss and turn in bed, drowning beneath the crashing waves of all the things I won't admit to in the daylight. Even when I talk to my family and best friend, I can't confront the reality that comes into focus with each passing day. I find myself forcing the muscles of my heart, as though if I contort myself enough the minutes will move faster. Knowing the answer means less to me than what the answer actually is, but both cause me a fair deal of stress.